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This is a day of great significance in the Christian community.
A day of remembering such values as love, compassion, honor
and how they were central values of the great teacher, Jesus.
These values, and others similar to them, can guide us along
difficult paths as we journey through life. What values make
up your moral compass and how do you use it to find your way?
All the talk about moral values during the last election campaign,
especially when people said the election was won “on moral
values”, raised a lot of questions for me.
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How can people hold such different values and all call them “moral”?
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How do these “moral values” develop?
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Do they change?
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Are they situational or are they absolute?
I think most people want to do “the right thing” for
themselves, their families and their communities. But how does
one define “right”? And what happens when “doing
the right thing” will cause harm to someone else?
Our values, both moral and non-moral, were acquired along with
our basic language and socialized behaviors when we were young
children and come from some very strong traditions that are
part of our societies and our cultures.
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Families
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Peers
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Religion
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Schools
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Media
These institutions not only reflect society, they reproduce
it and they change it.
Who told you how to act?
Why did you agree with them?
A great number of people live long and useful lives without ever
consciously defining or systematically considering the values
or moral rules that guide their social, personal, and work lives.
They simply decided what was right and did it without a lot of
thought.
However since our decisions, actions, and even feelings flow
from our values and morals, either consciously or un-consciously,
when we examine our moral values we understand ourselves better
and make more coherent choices.
When I took an Ethics class several years ago I was amazed at
how much of my decision making was going on at an unconscious
level and how much there was to consider when making decisions.
These are not simple choices between good and bad. Choices are
greatly complicated when we have to consider conflicting values
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Choosing between good and good
Choosing between bad and bad
Good in one setting, bad in another setting (During World War II, Bonhoffer,
a German theologian told his flock that if a Nazi came to their door and
asked if they were hiding Jews it was OK to lie.)
Maybe it would help if we look at three words which we often
use interchangeably but which have different shades of meaning.
VALUES – MORALS - ETHICS
What is the difference between values, morals and ethics? They
all provide behavioral rules.
VALUE is derived from Middle English meaning worth, or high
quality
Your values (beliefs or attitudes about what is good, right,
desirable, worthwhile, gives life meaning, etc.) and your value
system (the ways you organize, rank, prioritize and make decisions
based on your values; especially important when there is a conflict
between values),
work together to provide the foundation from which you make your
personal and professional judgments and choices.
A value statement does not express an “ought” or
a “should”. A value statement conveys that something
has merit or worth, but it doesn’t say what should be done.
Much of what we value is not concerned with our sense of morality;
Things I value, that give my life meaning are:
Friendship, Family ties, Nature, Learning, Visual art, Being
useful, Sharp knives in the kitchen,
WHAT DO YOU VALUE: WHAT GIVES YOUR LIFE MEANING AND MAKES IT
WORTH GETTING UP IN THE MORNING?
Morals have a greater social element than values and tend to
have a very broad acceptance. Morals are far more about good
and bad than other values. We judge others more strongly on their
morals than their values.
The word Moral has a French root meaning custom. Custom? You
mean it is not an absolute truth? Whose custom? Where? When?
Under what conditions?
These are important questions because a moral rule is very specific.
It tells you what to do in a specific situation but it doesn’t
tell you anything about why, in a particular situation, it applies
instead of another moral rule.
My personal moral values are how I define --
What I expect of myself
What I expect of my family
What I expect of my friends
What I expect of humanity
--so that those things I value can be a reality.
If I value friendship I will have rules about what I do to be
liked or respected and what are the limits of behavior that I
will accept in others and still consider them a friend.
If I value a sustainable natural ecosystem I have rules about
how I or others should behave in relationship to that environment.
If I value family ties I have rules about behaviors and attitudes
of “family members” and even who I consider as family.
The customs of my community also have some clear things to say
about these relationships, through laws or social contracts.
The third term, Ethics, is the study of the rules or standards
governing the conduct of a person or the members of a profession.
The study of Ethics may or may not make you a better person,
but it can help you think better about moral and ethical issues,
your own and your neighbor’s.
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How you make moral decisions
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What the moral implications of our choices are
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How to work more effectively with others
You begin to do ethics when you take the moral rules that you
have absorbed from your family, your church, and your society
and ask whether these rules are reasonable or unreasonable
and whether good reasons or poor ones support them. This is
a continuing process throughout your life. You learn about
yourself by studying others. When you observe a puzzling or
frightening behavior in someone else ask yourself “What
would it take for me to do or say that?” You might be
surprised at find that the level of your anger or disapproval
is in direct proportion to your inner fears about behaving
similarly.
How does the moral compass function?
This isn’t just a mind exercise. This is about living,
about actions and words. Morality is defined by the quality with
which we treat our fellow human beings.
Two people, espousing the same moral base can treat their fellow
human beings in very different ways. Leonard Pitts Jr. recently
wrote a column entitled A tale of two Smiths. In the investigation
of prisoner abuse at Guantanamo Bay a prisoner was allegedly
beaten by a military policeman known only as “Smith”.
When the prisoner came to he asked “why did you beat me
until I blacked out?” “Because I’m a Christian” Smith
said. The other Smith is Ashley Smith, the young woman who as
allegedly taken hostage by accused rapist and escaped Atlanta
courtroom shooter Brian Nichols. Pitts writes “Smith knew
even before this what trouble is. Her husband was stabbed and
died in her arms four years ago. And the New York Times reports
that she has a history of petty crime – arrests for shoplifting,
drunk driving and assault. Then says Smith’s family, she
found God and, through God, change. They sat it was what she
knew about hurting, about life at the end of your rope, that
enabled her to reach out to Nichols. By her account, she talked
to him about God. She encouraged him to think about his purpose
in the divine design. She reminded him that the people he is
alleged to have killed were loved. She made him pancakes. In
a word, she ministered to him. And he, in response, let her go.”
Two very different actions, both claiming to base their decisions
on the moral code of Christianity.
Since my initial questions about moral values were triggered
by the political scene, I would like to return there. My original
question was “How can the term “moral values” be
used to support opposite ways of thinking about the same issue?
George Lakoff (A professor of cognitive science and linguistics)
in his book, don’t think of an elephant! has analyzed
the “moral issues” of the conservative and progressive
political camps and offers this theory.
He says the term “Family Values” which is often
interchanged with Moral Values, is a fitting label because both
the conservative and the progressive groups used a family model
in its application of Values in the national political arena.
Conservatives use the family model of the strict father while
Progressives use the family model of the nurturing parent.
The strict father model of the conservatives begins with the
assumptions that the world is a dangerous place, and it always
will be, because there is evil out there in the world. The world
is also difficult because it is competitive. There will always
be winners and loser. There is an absolute right and an absolute
wrong. Children are born bad, in the sense that they just want
to do what feels good, not what is right. Therefore they have
to be made good.
What is needed in this kind of world is a strong, strict father
who can:
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Protect the family in the dangerous world,
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Support the family in the difficult world, and
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Teach his children right from wrong.
The child is to be obedient to the father who knows right from
wrong. The father teaches the child through punishment when they
do wrong. This punishment leads to internal discipline which
helps them to do right in the future and to develop the skills
required in a difficult, competitive world. When they are obedient
and disciplined they will be prosperous therefore prosperity
is linked to morality and those who prosper are rewarded.
The nurturing parent model of the progressives begins from the
assumptions that
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Both parents are equally responsible for raising the children
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Children are born good and can be made better
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The world can be made a better place and our job is to work on
that.
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The parent’s job is to nurture their children and to raise
their children to nurture others.
This is done not through punishment but by teaching Empathy
and responsibility through strength. Nurturant Values include
freedom, opportunity, prosperity, fairness, open two-way communication,
community building, service to the community, cooperation in
a community, trust, honesty,
Everybody has both strict and nurturing models, although they
will be expressed to different degrees, and used in different
environments.
It is important to recognize that Religious and conservative
are not necessarily synonymous.
Millions of Christians in this country are liberal, most Jews
in this country are liberal, and there are progressive liberal
Muslims in this country. Liberal Christians put Emphasis on grace
as the relationship of God to people as opposed to punishment.
Lakoff sees these models being played out in the national and
international political arena.
Strict father model
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Don’t give people things they haven’t earned – eliminate
social programs
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Reward the disciplined, moral people who have prospered
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Being strong (economically) and powerful (military) equals moral
authority.
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Underdeveloped countries are seen as “children” who
are told what to do.
Nurturant Parent model
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Provide protection through social programs and regulations
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Seek fulfillment and happiness of self and others
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Work for equality of all
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Government does what the private sector can’t do (infrastructure)
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Work for the public good
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Build strong alliances and engage in diplomacy
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Caring about and acting responsibly for the world’s people
How do we recognize if we are using our moral values as a tool
or weapon? As I see it, when moral values divide people, isolating
them, ignoring the fact that we are all connected, it has become
a weapon in the worst sense of the word. A weapon that harms
and kills in the guise of self protection.
When moral values recognize and celebrate the connections and
bonds that exist between humans and between humans and their
world it becomes a tool for growth and life.
This does not mean that any specific group is evil or saintly,
but that we each have the capacity to divide or connect with
our words, actions, and ideas. Judgment creates distance, a disconnection,
an experience of difference.
We take our values with us into all arenas of our life. So does
everyone else. You can’t change people by yelling at them.
However, when you are clear about what values have been programmed
into your moral compass you can live positively from them rather
than continuing to attack (and thus reinforce) what you see as
a negative view. You become a source for growth and life rather
than fear and destruction.
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