Good morning. I am Deborah Kline, a member of the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Ames. Thank you for inviting me this morning.
I’d like to share with you my journey to happiness. Using gardening as a primary metaphor, and music as a backdrop, I’ll offer you 6 of my happiness seeds. You may wish to plant them to cultivate happiness for yourself.
Happiness Seed #1: Be happy now! Just like the call and response verse that started us off this morning, many of us carry a long list of conditions that must be met before we allow ourselves to be happy. “If only this...then I’ll be happy.” What’s on your list? You can take away the power of your conditions or preferences by planting Happiness Seed #1: Be happy now! Not then, not when, not if, but right now, in the present moment. I had the kids stay for “If your happy and you know it clap your hands” because only a kid, or anyone who hasn’t lost their kid-ness, can do that song justice. If you are in the present moment, the song can be fun. If you are anywhere else, it’s like what’s the point? …There is no point…that’s the point! There doesn’t have to be a reason or a justification. Just be happy now.
So here was my dilemma. Somehow my life was so filled with other things…life happens…that I didn’t have any room for happiness. That brings us to Happiness Seed #2: Make room for happiness.
The garden I enjoy today was not always so. Imagine a plot of barren ground—I call this the barren ground of un-forgiveness. In the middle of this barren ground is a large stone covering most of my garden. This was the stone of anger. And hovering above the garden is an oversized cloud, …the cloud of sorrow, and it cast its own shadow…a shadow of despair. The only things growing, scraggly around the edges are weeds…weeds of worry. So much for my garden of happiness! Was this it? Was this my garden of happiness? Yes it was, in so much as it accurately reflected how much happiness I allowed into my life.
SONG: Four Walls
I'm hiding in these four walls that are myself,
That I built to keep them out.
And I can see daylight through the cracks.
But, it's too bright.
I blink it back, and wonder
How could I construct a cage so cruel?
Almost as bad as what they did to me.
And where's my strength to break it down?
Am I as strong as when I built…?
Four walls are closing in on me.
I'd disappear if I could breath.
So I puff and huff to blow them down.
But from within there is no sound.
And in this mausoleum that's my soul,
Will it die, too, like lab rats do
When they're put in a space to small to live?
What I would give to be the size of one
So that I could slip through these cracks of mine
And view the world from the outside.
And I would give anything to be
Anything but these four walls that are me.
I spent many years thinking this was it. Happiness just wasn’t meant for me, and the proof was in my unhappiness garden. If I were meant to be happy, all this yucky stuff wouldn’t be here. If only a passing gardener would come by and rescue me. After all, I didn’t invite any of this yuck in, other people put it here and they should be the ones to make it right. This brings us to Happiness Seed #3: Your happiness is up to you.
That’s right, your happiness is up to you, despite what others may have done to you, Expecting those who trash your life to come back and fix things is like expecting a tornado to come back and blow everything back into place. It’s not going to happen. Beware of getting stuck in the “if only this hadn’t happened” daze. As unfair and tragic as it may be, the bad news and the good news is that you get to put things right. Bad news, because there is a lot of unasked for clearing to do, and good news, because who could possibly fix it better than you. After all, it’s your garden and you know exactly where you prefer everything to be.
If the next phase of my happiness garden transformation is it’s up to me, how does one get rid of all the unwanted stuff and start anew? I became determined to grab happiness once and for all. But my hands weren’t free. I held onto all my pain like each piece was a trophy awarded for survival or a merit badge I’d earned. Where would I be without my pain? It was all I had! Actually, it was all I was holding onto. I had to put it down, let it go, to create space for better possibilities.
SONG: Waiting for Rain
Waiting for rain--
Sultry moods swell like held breath.
Clouds rolling in
Exhaling the sky’s ocean
Like the teardrops in my mind
Sorrow seeps through lashes fine
‘Til the beads burst, spilling the hearts desire.
Pregnant with flood—
Cascading pools skimming soggy ground.
Sorrow flows
Anointing a weary soul…
Waiting for sun—
Arrays of beams stream beneath the clouds
Breezing by.
Pastels splay o’er the gray.
Now waters recede—
Relief, a sigh of release,
Wilting dew steams into a rainbow.
Mmmm…. A rainbow
Waiting for rain.
To create space for better possibilities, I needed something beyond books, journaling, therapy and support groups. They had their place for me, but their too many intellectual tools kept me stuck in my head. I needed something beyond survival skills and mental gymnastics to reclaim myself. There had to be something, integrated and whole, a way of being vs. thinking. This is where I turned to dance, ceremony and art.
DANCE: I used to be a jogger. One day it occurred to me that I would rather dance a mile than jog a mile. What if I did that…? What would people think…? It is usual to see people jogging down the street, but dancing down the street? Hmmm. So I jogged to an empty parking lot and danced there. (Still conspicuous, but who cares!) It was so fun and exhilarating; I soon lost my self-conscious awareness and just celebrated the moment and the movement. It felt great to be alive! …As I was jogging away from my dance one morning, a passing man stopped me and said, “It does my old heart good to see you dance.” Wow. Here I had been worried about strange stares and potential mocking, but a compliment? That man, a stranger, changed my life. Now at least two of us were benefiting from me daring to act upon my inner desire.
CEREMONY: One of my support groups introduced me to The Clothesline Project. The Clothesline Project provides those who have been affected by sexual abuse and assault to “air their dirty laundry” so to speak. Each participant is asked to make a T-shirt with words, pictures or symbols that tell their personal story. The finished T-shirts are hung on a clothesline and displayed to the general public, for viewing and raising awareness. The support group leaders suggested I created a ceremony around adding my T-shirt to the clothesline. The clothesline was to be displayed on the Iowa State University campus. Unfortunately, it was raining and there was no indoor alternative. I did my ceremony anyway, with a few friends. Over my jacket, I wore the shirt I made, inside out, to represent how all of my experiences used to be secret and hidden. After saying a few words, I released two helium balloons to represent letting go of all the pain and anger. Then I took off the outer shirt and turned it right side out for my friends to see. I received permission to display my T-shirt on the Women’s Studies bulletin board, the group sponsoring the Clothesline Project. It was added to the collection for display the very next day at a local high school gymnasium. The ceremony was healing for me. Having my friends witness the event was life affirming. Just knowing that T-shirt is being displayed throughout the community every year, with others of similar story, is empowering. This shirt, no longer silent, is still making a positive difference.
ART: I ventured into the world of SoulCollageTM. SoulCollageTM is a cut and paste method creating physical representations (or cards) of your inner psyche. Not necessarily designed as a therapy tool, it was for me, very therapeutic, and fun. You simply choose from an array of images that strike you, and then cut, paste, and arrange them onto a card. Now, the fun begins. You speak from each image as if it is a piece of you. For each picture you say, “I am one who…and insert a personal attribute. It is kind of an inside-out way of identifying yourself. This was the way I got the critical and punitive voices out of my head. Perhaps you know these voices: the one’s that second-guess you or frighten you with “what if” catastrophes. Now I had images to capture these rascals and re-look at them from outside of myself. They are far less scary and powerful, looking back at you from a piece of cardboard. It’s almost as if you caught them in the act of sabotaging you. With the lights on, they become visible for what they are…useless noise with no truth or point. Now exposed, these non-productive types can easily be ignored into virtual nonexistence. I brought examples you may not be able to see very well from where you are sitting. I’ll have them available for closer viewing after the service. Among them are: Lost-n-Found Child, The Punisher, Inner Critic, Unavoidable Tragedy and Angry Mob. There are also countless positive attribute cards, that make loving yourself that much easier.
SONG: Every Little Piece of Me
I’m not broken, but there are pieces of me scattered everywhere.
Perhaps you’ve seen me, in a cloud, a tree, or looking in your mirror.
Our separateness is illusion. That leaves just one conclusion—that
*CHORUS: Every little piece of me (you) is in every little piece of you (me),
And in every little piece of everything.
And all I want to do is love every little piece of you
So that I can love every piece of me, in everything.
You’re connected to the breaths and heartbeats of all living kind,
To inorganic matter, and the ancestors of past and future time.
Our unity is a given, so let’s all start living like…*
We’re not broken--we’re each shadow and every point of light,
Earth and ocean, and the lift of a bird taking flight.
We are one, it’s true, but as we—not just me or you--and…*
…In everything.
I used my tools of dance, ceremony and art to chip away my anger stone. I found fertile ground underneath. I let the cloud of sorrow rain its tears until it dissipated all despair and nourished the ground below. The cloud drifted away after that and allowed the sun to shine and warm the ground. I forgave myself, and everyone that vexed me (as a gift to myself) and this fertilized the soil. And I uprooted the weeds of worry, trusting in myself that I was just what I had always wanted and needed, and would from this day forth, be here for me, for better or worse.
SONG: It’s Okay Now
It’s okay now
Time has passed
Healing-s come,
And I’m
Okay now
My life has just begun.
And I forgive you
Even though what you did is not okay
And I still love you
Beyond my dying day.
If it never happened
Where would all of these songs come from?
And if, it never happened, would I now be so strong?
But you don’t remember
At least that’s what you say
And how can we rebuild a bridge so many miles away?
But there may be hope
In agreeing to disagree
But can’t you find it in your heart, to just, believe in me
And I forgive you
Even though what you did is not okay
And I still love you
Beyond my dying day
It’s okay now
Time has passed
Healing-s come,
And I’m
Okay now
My life has just begun.
Happiness seed # 4: Plant seeds of happiness. It took a while for me to figure out what to plant in my happiness garden. Exactly what would make me happy? Much to my dismay, it was not the absence of trauma. It turned out that uprooting all that ailed me was not the answer, but merely a step in the journey. And, it had been exhausting. Here I had my fertile ground of possibilities, but I could not daydream happiness into being. I realized happiness was more than about letting go of something and standing there empty-handed. It was about grabbing onto and holding something new, but what? I went back to the beginning. What made me happy when I was a child? Dancing…check. Art…check. Music…check. I added yoga and meditation…check, check. I planted all of these seeds in my garden. Starting anew, I was able to know myself well enough to find my true calling as an energy healer. In silencing all of the negative voices I could actually become my own cheerleader and cherish my true voice. The true voice is the kind, nurturing voice that encourages you, and dares you to do the things you love. In this you engage in Happiness seed #5: Nurture the seeds of happiness. Do this with your own, unconditional love for yourself.
All I’ve shared today, all these experiences are anecdotal, specific to me. This is Happiness seed #6: Share the Harvest of happiness. Share whatever makes you happy with others. Enjoy your true calling as your gift to yourself and to the world.
So let’s review our happiness seeds: #1-Be happy now, #2-Make room for happiness, #3-Your happiness is up to you, #4-Plant seeds of happiness, #5-Nurture the seeds of happiness, and #6-Share the Harvest.
Could my gardening tips for happiness be replicated in a scientific study to calculate overall effectiveness for the average person? Who knows? It worked for me. I encourage you to pursue your life, and happiness garden, as anecdotal specific to you. Invent your own gardening tools, develop your own seed hybrids, and create for yourself the best happiness garden to suit you. There is no right way, just your way. Happy gardening!
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